Monday, June 18, 2007


How far can you walk with broken knees?

How hard can you counter strike your adversities?

Some say that reality is dependent on the speculation you relatively entrust in your attitudes.

You are in the crossroad. The choice of choosing is your.

For every living creature, no matter what, the destiny is only one.

I eagerly watch and interact with people. Through such contact and impact we deal with the expectations hovering upon our routine and that pervades our personalities.

I admit; I am afraid of talking about me. Many times I let the expectations deceive my integrity and I fall into fantasies. I hide myself to play the game and score in my favor, using tricks and telling lies. Delving for meaning where is no meaning.

Looking for beauty where is no beauty..

Quem de nós é o tirano dos tirano?

O destino de todo e qualquer homem é somente um só, se nos propusermos a dizer que se trata de um tempo futuro, o por vir; a instância de interagir uma ação contra o tempo é o nó que desata ou unifica as dimensões que flutuam dentro e fora de cada um de nós.

As cadeias de a reações de uma ação em embate com outra ação, uma após a outra. Porém o final, quero dizer, o acabar é o fim, o termino, a inexistência.

Como pedras. Imaginemos. Podemos pegar uma pedra e terminarmos com a pedra. Mas podemos nós extinguirmos as pedras? Levaria uma soma tão grandioza de números, de ações, e reações que só de pensarmos em ignorante idéia é insana estupidez. Primeiro, aonde juntaríamos todas as pedras? Ou quantos automóveis seriam necessários para mover todas as pedras do Planeta Terra em um lugar comum? E se possível, a quantidade de ferramentas e maquinaria necessárias para aniquilarmos todas as pedras existentes no Globo Terrrestre seria de colossal incomensurabilidade. Levando o inconsequiente devaneio adiante, a poeira causada por tanto quebra quebra acarretaria em demasiada poluição na atmosfera e nem mesmo o raiar do sol alcançaria a superfice terrestre.

Se todos os déspotas da história da humanidade do planeta azul juntos num só império e com o plano de agrupar e destruir todas as pedras seriam incapazes de fazer todas as pedras tornarem areias. Entretanto. E se conseguissem? O que seria o mundo sem as pedras? O final das pedras. O acabamento das pedras. O fim das pedras. Terminaram as pedras. As pedras não existem.

Se apelarmos para a biologia, física e química: objeto mineral, sólido que sob determinada pressão – para facilitarmos – se dividem em grãos. Matematicamente: quantas variações e configurações de pedras existem no mundo? Indo além da conta, quantas diferentes formações de pedras hão no universo? E quando grãos até qual dimensão seria considerado pedra ou grão, ou é o grão uma minúscula pedra? Ou se suposermos a refletir em escala humana, quando amontoados os grãos também pode ser denominados areia, mas quando estão desagrupados e sós são referidos como poeira.

Há! O mundo sem as pedras.Poderia ser o mundo, mundo sem as pedras? Creio que jamais.

Mas e sem as árvores? E sem as águas?

Os humanos também não apenas morrem, mas vão finalizar com a existência. Vão ter fim


Wednesday, April 25, 2007

Another falling dream and I. When “I’m falling” dream comes to spook me I have diarrhea.

Today while sleeping I had an intrusive vision. The fact that I do not have total control over it makes it even more stirring. From what I can remember, I was dangling clung in a narrow thick iron wire framework with a small diamond pattern attached in between two square poles. My fingers were holding tight through the spaces in the frame but still the structure was unstable, dizzily swinging, to and fro. In the situation I was sure that at any moment the structure would break and seeing the height – as usual – the fall would be fatal. Now I think about it, I could try to go down as I would in a ladder, but the ground was not visible and the swinging was appalling me. I had two options, in an attempt to stay “alive”. One of them I don’t remember. But wait, matter of fact - How did I end up, dangling there? Dreams, dreams… bemusement and amusement of the human mind.

The other alternative was a tree, meters from where I was. It took me few thoughts to decide to jump and grasp the top of the tree. The tree was a skinny palm tree with pine tree branches, and had some sort of fruit. I have some certainty that the dream was black, white and grey, and it was in first person I mean I was myself in the same way I have my mundane sight. Yet the fruit was red, scarlet red. Why? I’m asking me the same question. Once I swing close to the tree I jumped even knowing by the distance that I would not reach the tree and gravity would take me down. I wish to remember what the other option was.

However, ha-ha! I made it. I reached the top of the tree. By the moment that I bang the tree due to my weight it started to plunge down. I was intimidated in terror because of the height and now I was coerced to panic with my heart in my mouth and my stomach shivering in cold sweat abashed with the imminent impact, it is the end - "ha-ha" is a misfortune calling magnet. In few glimpses the not visible ground was readily seen and readily to smash me. Life is a speculation game, and it seems that in dreams too. Why didn’t I opt for the other choice? I always wake up before the shock in a jolt. Somehow considering the situation, I believed that just before the tree slam in the ground I would jump and keep on dreaming, I was intrigued with the expectation of what would come next. Although in dreams time is abstract the circumstances were happening quite fast. And again, ha-ha! As more close to the ground I was getting I felt a counter force getting stronger. I looked behind and the tree was bending; yes, the tree bended. I jumped and keep the dream “alive”.

Near to the place a close friend that used to be my project partner in the film school was standing in a small arched bridge made of grey bricks. And I think he saw the entire episode. After that my friend shoot a film, in our hometown, and it earned a lot of good critics. I watched the film, but I scarcely recall it to describe well enough, although the red color was emphatically present in scenes of the film. I contemplated the film only once maybe that is why just little remained in my memory. The last scene of the movie was my dream from the swinging structure, jumping and descending to the ground. If the film was in my reminiscences, possibly the reason why I end up on the top of that structure would be cleared. Anyhow I was pleased with the film. It gave me a strong sense of satisfaction.

I heard somewhere from someone that when you dream about falling it symbolize that the person is physically growing, getting taller. At this point in account of the quantity of the falling dreams I had I think I should be taller than Yao Ming or I can guess that Magic Johnson have falling dream complex.

In the same night I had another vision even more disturbing. I was stiffly struggling, my arms were paralyzed. Some kind of black colored fog was hanged encircling my right shoulder. I saw myself in the bed, in the bedroom in place that I live now days. I can say that was a dark aura, a spirit from the shadows, was crippling my arms; my right arm was more affected by it. I fiercely shouted, cussed and tried to cast it away but it kept haunting me. It did not have a shape, was just fog, and I couldn’t even feel the weight of it. Regardless was afflicting me. I actually heard myself screaming that is why I tried to wake up, and I did, but I did not awake for real. The first time when I waked up I saw myself agonizing and the sense of reality last for few moments and then I recognize it was in fact stuck in the dream. Every attempt to move my arms was in vain. More I battle and force to move it, more the dark aura got control over me. Once again I tried to awake however I did in the dream, but not in reality. Terror and panic afresh came back. I couldn’t rouse from the sleep! I thought that since I was out of myself – I was beholding myself – the control of my body was not mine. So in order to assuredly awake I must go and put myself in me if not I’ll stay stuck in the dream.

I started to be affected by severe pain in the belly. And I waked up, and stumble towards the bathroom. Diarrhea, urgh!

…was too much for a night…