Wednesday, April 25, 2007

Another falling dream and I. When “I’m falling” dream comes to spook me I have diarrhea.

Today while sleeping I had an intrusive vision. The fact that I do not have total control over it makes it even more stirring. From what I can remember, I was dangling clung in a narrow thick iron wire framework with a small diamond pattern attached in between two square poles. My fingers were holding tight through the spaces in the frame but still the structure was unstable, dizzily swinging, to and fro. In the situation I was sure that at any moment the structure would break and seeing the height – as usual – the fall would be fatal. Now I think about it, I could try to go down as I would in a ladder, but the ground was not visible and the swinging was appalling me. I had two options, in an attempt to stay “alive”. One of them I don’t remember. But wait, matter of fact - How did I end up, dangling there? Dreams, dreams… bemusement and amusement of the human mind.

The other alternative was a tree, meters from where I was. It took me few thoughts to decide to jump and grasp the top of the tree. The tree was a skinny palm tree with pine tree branches, and had some sort of fruit. I have some certainty that the dream was black, white and grey, and it was in first person I mean I was myself in the same way I have my mundane sight. Yet the fruit was red, scarlet red. Why? I’m asking me the same question. Once I swing close to the tree I jumped even knowing by the distance that I would not reach the tree and gravity would take me down. I wish to remember what the other option was.

However, ha-ha! I made it. I reached the top of the tree. By the moment that I bang the tree due to my weight it started to plunge down. I was intimidated in terror because of the height and now I was coerced to panic with my heart in my mouth and my stomach shivering in cold sweat abashed with the imminent impact, it is the end - "ha-ha" is a misfortune calling magnet. In few glimpses the not visible ground was readily seen and readily to smash me. Life is a speculation game, and it seems that in dreams too. Why didn’t I opt for the other choice? I always wake up before the shock in a jolt. Somehow considering the situation, I believed that just before the tree slam in the ground I would jump and keep on dreaming, I was intrigued with the expectation of what would come next. Although in dreams time is abstract the circumstances were happening quite fast. And again, ha-ha! As more close to the ground I was getting I felt a counter force getting stronger. I looked behind and the tree was bending; yes, the tree bended. I jumped and keep the dream “alive”.

Near to the place a close friend that used to be my project partner in the film school was standing in a small arched bridge made of grey bricks. And I think he saw the entire episode. After that my friend shoot a film, in our hometown, and it earned a lot of good critics. I watched the film, but I scarcely recall it to describe well enough, although the red color was emphatically present in scenes of the film. I contemplated the film only once maybe that is why just little remained in my memory. The last scene of the movie was my dream from the swinging structure, jumping and descending to the ground. If the film was in my reminiscences, possibly the reason why I end up on the top of that structure would be cleared. Anyhow I was pleased with the film. It gave me a strong sense of satisfaction.

I heard somewhere from someone that when you dream about falling it symbolize that the person is physically growing, getting taller. At this point in account of the quantity of the falling dreams I had I think I should be taller than Yao Ming or I can guess that Magic Johnson have falling dream complex.

In the same night I had another vision even more disturbing. I was stiffly struggling, my arms were paralyzed. Some kind of black colored fog was hanged encircling my right shoulder. I saw myself in the bed, in the bedroom in place that I live now days. I can say that was a dark aura, a spirit from the shadows, was crippling my arms; my right arm was more affected by it. I fiercely shouted, cussed and tried to cast it away but it kept haunting me. It did not have a shape, was just fog, and I couldn’t even feel the weight of it. Regardless was afflicting me. I actually heard myself screaming that is why I tried to wake up, and I did, but I did not awake for real. The first time when I waked up I saw myself agonizing and the sense of reality last for few moments and then I recognize it was in fact stuck in the dream. Every attempt to move my arms was in vain. More I battle and force to move it, more the dark aura got control over me. Once again I tried to awake however I did in the dream, but not in reality. Terror and panic afresh came back. I couldn’t rouse from the sleep! I thought that since I was out of myself – I was beholding myself – the control of my body was not mine. So in order to assuredly awake I must go and put myself in me if not I’ll stay stuck in the dream.

I started to be affected by severe pain in the belly. And I waked up, and stumble towards the bathroom. Diarrhea, urgh!

…was too much for a night…